Value
Everything we do with facial expression coaching and your photos is purely about value. Women usually have far more options when it comes to dating, and specifically online dating in general. Why would they date you? Because you’re a man of value. Up until this point, there’s a good chance you couldn’t adequately demonstrate your value to the internet—and that’s hard for anyone. But that’s why we’re here. Before I go any further, a lot of this sounds really shallow… “I’m a man of value, why do I need to go through all of these steps?” It’s just the way online dating works. And those communicating value to their prospective matches are the ones who are winning.
Value of Profiles
But first, let’s think about your online dating profiles for a bit. Hinge requires you to have six photos, Tinder up to nine, and a few apps allow you to upload more. This is just a mere snippet of your life. You’re more interesting than a few photos, and that’s what we want to show. This is why we shoot for five hours. You’re creating a brand for yourself to scream that you’re worth hanging out with.
The apps are valuable as a starting point, but you don’t want to continue to communicate there. Ask an attractive lady friend to see their Tinder sometime. Us guys might be thrilled with a few messages per day, but some of these women are literally getting hundreds of matches/messages per day. This is exhausting, overwhelming, and causes most of them to shut off the notifications to these apps. When they decide to log on, they are bombarded by “Hi, how are you?”, “Hey, you’re really pretty,” “You’re out of my league. I wish we could go out,” and various vulgar messages I won’t mention here. I’m not saying you’re sending these awful messages, but that’s the reality of her inbox. Oftentimes these ‘love notes’ are too much, and women are likely to take a break for a few days or leave the app entirely.
There’s a significantly better chance of continuing the conversation on Instagram. She’s not going to delete her Instagram app in the way she might delete her dating apps. Among many other advantages of Instagram as a “dating platform,” we want you talking to them there because of what actual dating apps have become.
By the way, it’s Nick (co-founder of The Match Artist) writing this, and I’ll be using personal examples here. Screenshots from my Instagram account are below. I’m married now, but this is what I used when I was on the dating apps.
Maybe you’ve never used Instagram before, or maybe it’s really outdated and this is partially why you’re getting photos taken. Either way, we want to add photos from your shoot that convey the most value. We’re going to focus on the nine most recent images. Connecting your Instagram to your online dating apps is important, and many apps show you a 3x3 grid. Take your favorite photos conveying the most value, and order them how you’d like them to show up. Make sure to post the one last that you’d like shown first, since you can’t rearrange the order.
When she opens your profile on the app, she’ll only see the first couple rows. We want these shots to be the highest value of all. Ideally they’re hit with a wave of emotion like "Whoa, this guy is really cool." I started with a photo of my dogs and I. They are most important in my life. Plus, who doesn't love dogs? Not anyone I want to hang out with. My second photo is an approachable photo of me with a camera. It looks fun and adventurous and it’s an attractive hobby. My third photo is my home music studio—something really important to me. It's something really important to me, and I'm personally looking for an artist of some sort, or someone who appreciates one.
The other photos convey travel and an active lifestyle. The headstand is to show I'm still athletic even though I have a few extra pounds on me. I say this because I want you to analyze what you're trying to show about yourself and make sure those photos are in your top 6-9. Let's move on to Instagram Stories.
IG Stories
If you don't know what an IG story is, it's an image or video that disappears after 24 hours. You can post anything you'd like, and the story doesn't have to be posted at the time the event (photo/video) happened. This is the best way for a number of your followers to keep up with your life. It isn't a direct message, but it shows up at the top of someone's feed. Stories are great for showing value. If you post an interesting story soon after someone follows you on instagram, you're indirectly communicating that you live a fun lifestyle and are worth hanging out with. Stories are also great for when conversations fizzle out. It happens. She ghosts. But she might be brought back by something interesting you post.
I usually post stories of my hobbies, travel, and friends. You want to put an image in her mind what life with you might be like. Put yourself in her shoes.
When I connected with my now wife, I said something like, "Let's continue this on IG?" within our first few messages on Bumble. It allowed me to share much more of my life with her, including photo/voice messages, which can be huge in gaining interest.